Communicating With Your Ex When You Have Kids Together
Without a doubt, one of the most difficult things about breaking up with a spouse or a partner, when you have children, is the continued communication that is required. When you have kids together you simply must stay in contact with one another so as to effectively co-parent. The courts are also inundated with situations where more effective communication would have saved people thousands of dollars. Because contrary to what many people believe, it is not a given that you will be awarded attorney’s fees if you have to take them to court.
The golden rule always applies when communicating, namely that you treat them how you want to be treated. But what about when you have tried it and it has not worked? Depending on the situation, it may make the most sense to require all communication between you two to be written, either via email or text. This is inherently difficult because it is hard to know someone’s tone when texting, but it is the best way to preserve communications for the Court. If it indeed becomes necessary to go back to court to get them to stop their harassment or enforce your decree (or any other number of things), texts/emails can be the deciding factor. Remember, though, that it works both ways. Each time you are going to email/text your ex, ask yourself a simple question: what will a judge think when reading this? Does this help my case, or does it make me look bad? (Caveat: this is assuming you have already asked yourself “is this necessary to help my kids?”) If the Golden Rule does not work for your situation, add to it. An easy acronym to govern behavior is this: WWJD – What Would Judge Decide?
About the Author
Litigation attorney Kyle Adam’s lifelong goal has been to be an attorney, and each day he truly is fulfilling his childhood goals. Kyle speaks and reads Japanese fluently, having lived in Japan for 2 years. Kyle attended the amazing University of Utah where he studied business. Kyle has always been a massive Utah football fan, and while attending the U he went to the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans to watch the Utes beat Alabama. This had special meaning for Kyle, as his twin brother is an avid Bama fan and alumnus. Kyle received his law degree from Drake University. Following law school he returned to Utah and began practicing in business planning and estate administration. Before joining Pearson Butler in 2015, Kyle worked for an international litigation firm in Washington, D.C., using his fluency with the Japanese language, Kyle joined a Japanese Litigation Team in a multi-nation lawsuit and coordinated with a Tokyo-based team daily. Kyle loves what he does, and specifically says that it is an honor to put his arm around someone going through one of the worst times of their life and to reassure them that he is by their side.
Kyle is celebrating his 10 year anniversary this year with his way-out-of-his-league wife. Together they have three sons, and a brand new baby girl. In an effort to try and decompress, Kyle survives by working out regularly, staying apprised on current events, studying politics, and spending time with family. During the football season you will always find him wherever the Utes are.
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